With just 4 channels of TV where I grew up in rural Nebraska, there really wasn’t much else to do. This was the [...]]]> As a teenager, my mom, brother, and I all read the same books. It was a kind of literary chaos, where no one read just one book straight through to the end.

With just 4 channels of TV where I grew up in rural Nebraska, there really wasn’t much else to do. This was the way I read almost all the James Bond books, as well as lots of Louis L’Amour, Clive Cussler, Dick Francis, Dune, and the Lord of the Rings trilogy.

One of us would get a book, maybe at the bookstore, maybe from the library. We’d read for a bit, and almost always get interrupted. There was dinner get ready (by high school I was almost always the one making dinner since I was usually home earliest), laundry, the phone, clients (my mom and dad worked from home and their clients and employees often dropped by).

We’d read in between doing things — sometimes while doing them, which I learned was not really a good idea if you were cooking or ironing.

Then if we got interrupted we’d leave the book right where we were.

Usually we left the book face-down (it wasn’t until later in life that I learned you weren’t supposed to do that). If you found a book and had a spare minute, you’d just pick it up, fold down the corner of the page that was open so the other person wouldn’t lose his/her place, find the spot you left off last time, and start reading.

We had books in all kinds of unlikely places. My favorite was the spot on top of the refrigerator where my brother inevitably left the newest and best ones when his hunger got the best of him.

The worst was when one of us (me, I’ll admit sheepishly) accidentally left one of the books in the deep freeze and we couldn’t find it for weeks.

More money is expected soon, with a birthday tomorrow and a loose tooth just a few wiggles away from another visit from the Tooth Fairy.

We had a conversation while she counted her [...]]]> My almost-seven-year-old is apparently well on her way to becoming a tycoon, having accumulated a whopping $16 in her little panda-bear purse.

More money is expected soon, with a birthday tomorrow and a loose tooth just a few wiggles away from another visit from the Tooth Fairy.

We had a conversation while she counted her growing fortune, in which she shared one of her financial strategies.

“Mom,” she said, “it’s really important to be careful with your money.”

“Sure is,” I said.

“Because if you’re not careful with your money and you leave it lying around, it might become my money.”

Know the feeling?

I left my job as a bureaucrat close to eight years ago, but it took me a long time to recover. In many ways, I changed very little — I traded the 9-5 hours for being a [...]]]>

credit: lotopspin via Flickr

For the last few years, I’ve been forcing my round self into a square hole.

Know the feeling?

I left my job as a bureaucrat close to eight years ago, but it took me a long time to recover. In many ways, I changed very little — I traded the 9-5 hours for being a full-time mom and a part-time employee of myself.

Essentially, I set up a life where I was never off the clock. Ever.

Then, one day, it felt like the squareness got pointier in the corners while my roundness became more pronounced. I just couldn’t do it anymore.

I was exhausted. Not just tired. To paraphrase Hochschild, I had begun to think and talk about getting sleep the way starving people talk about food.

Around the same time, a man at my church passed away suddenly. He was a vice-president at his company, well off, smiling in his Linked-In profile, with beautiful children who go to church school with mine. I never met him, but I knew who he was. Overnight, he was gone.

It’s strange that my first thought was, “I wonder what he wished he’d done.” I was struck by how much I found myselff grieving for this man — until I realized that his sudden death scared the bloomers off me. His life, smiling profile picture and all, was what I’d been brought up to believe was “IT”. Was that where I was headed?

Then, as I struggled with why-am-I-so-unbelievably-exhausted and why-did-this-father-pass-so-unexpectedly, I got an email from someone I respect tremendously, who acknowledged that he was moving in a new direction despite his long-time success in other areas. He felt he needed to do this other thing. He didn’t want to have regrets.

I read it. I read it again. And again.

And I realized something.

At the end of my time here on earth, I would have regrets if I continued on my current path. I would regret not really focusing on my writing. I would regret not fighting for my characters, not helping them become real in the minds of readers, and not putting more of their adventures on the page.

I would also regret going back to the life I once led — focused on what I was supposed to be, but missing out on who I really was.

So for the last few months I’ve been silent. I’ve slept, started working out daily, and began delegating chores and responsibilities to my children who are now old enough to handle some of them.

I’ve spent the last few weeks with a pencil in hand, or at my keyboard, breathing life into writing.

I’m taking very tiny baby steps toward becoming visible as a writer, starting with — gulp — actually allowing a couple of people to read some of my stories. I actually putting “attend writing group” on my calendar for this month.

I will figure out how to move forward, and what it means for me to be a writer. I will aim for no regrets.

It seems scary and huge, but I can do this.

So now, it’s your turn. What would you regret?

I like to walk around, find houses for my people to live in, schools and churches they attend, and explore the same routes they walk in their daily lives. It helps [...]]]> Today I was going to scout locations, which is what I like to do when I’m trying to wrap my head around settings.

I like to walk around, find houses for my people to live in, schools and churches they attend, and explore the same routes they walk in their daily lives. It helps me think about the characters, what kinds of people they are and what things are important to them.

The only problem with my plan is that it is 1 degree outside. That’s right, people. One measly little degree.

Our high might be 6 degrees today, if we’re lucky.

Hopefully, tomorrow it’ll be balmy enough to go out.

Part of making changes requires doing some serious cleaning, and saying goodbye to some things here on the blog that are no longer in line with my plans for the new year.

If you land here and are wondering “hey, what happened to…?” thank you [...]]]> I’m preparing for 2013, with some big changes in store.

Part of making changes requires doing some serious cleaning, and saying goodbye to some things here on the blog that are no longer in line with my plans for the new year.

If you land here and are wondering “hey, what happened to…?” thank you for taking time to connect. I look forward to doing more of that next year and hope you’ll join me in a year of big writing and even bigger plans. Please subscribe to my blog, sit back, and I’ll be in touch soon.

Wherever the new year takes you, I wish you the best. Talk soon!

-liz

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